a week later...

July 12th 2005,

I had my surgery a week ago and I wasn't prepared for what was instore! I woke up after the surgery in a lot of pain, the nurse gave me some morphine to help! What a nice nurse!!! I was laso having problems breathing I tried taking slow deep breaths but nothing worked. I wasbakc on oxygen and different dr's were coming and going. The next thing I knew I had blood pouring from my nose and mouth!!! It was very scary, everyone kept telling me to REALX!!! I had a very cute male nurse sit with me and talk with me, he tried everything to help me but I just couldn't breathe!

Finally my surgeon came in and took a look but didn't understand why this was happening. He let my mum come in to sit with me she was so worried! I heard them all talking saying the didn't know what was wrong and that I had the same problem after jaw surgery.

Then one of the nurses mentioned that I passed out while they were putting the breathing tube down! I WAS AWAKE for that part!!!! it was so uncomfortable!!! I ended up being put on a ventilator for a few days because I couldn't do it on my own.

The days after that are a blur I don't remember much.

My surgeon drained as much of the infection as he could, but couldn't remove the plate because the bone hasn't healed yet. He also opened my sinuses a little more to see if it would help. It is thaught that was the reason for my bleeding.

I will have an mri scan done so they can see what's going on.

Surgery day...

July 6th 2005,

Today is the day that my problems will all be gone (hopefully!!!!) I'm the first patient on the list!! I will be glad to get it over with and back to some normality!

My surgeon is going to go in and take a look and act on what he finds!!

NINE times....

July 5th 2005,

I'm so tired I can't sleep much as my face is swollen and is very uncomfortable not to mention painfull! I'm counting the hours down until my surgery and all this will be over with hopefully!

And as part of the pre-op the Dr had to do some blood tests and they also wanted to check my iron levels. I'm not a big fan of needles but I am getting better with them! Who wouldn't after so many after jaw surgery?She tried a few times and said that she couldn't get any, and she was going to ask the surgeon to try. She came back 30 min later and said that he had to do it as the team wanted the results. NINE!!! yes NINE needles later! she got a decent vein!

She told me 2 relax and make sure I get enough sleep!!! I am REALLY tired so maybe I will get some decent sleep tonight.

More surgery...

June 27th 2005,

After several courses of antibiotics the infection still hasn't cleared, and it shows up on the x-ray that it's getting worse. So the only option we have left is another surgery!!! I am more nervous about this surgery than the actual jaw surgery etc because I don't know what they're going to do or find.

But there isn't any way around this problem. And I will be glad to get rid of the pain, discomfort and SWELLING!! I am soooo swollen!!! But hopefully he will sort it all out!!

I will have my surgery July 6th! two months to the day that I had my surgery!

take a guess...

June 25th 2005,

Take a guess where I am once again!!!

I was re-admitted on the 23rd. I have had some osrt of reaction from the medication I have been given but we don't know what it is. But it has been agreed that something will have to be done SOON!!!!! Hey no kidding!!!!

My mobile phone has also been taken off me as the Dr thinks that I am spending too much time on it, and I need to rest more. SO not fair!!!!!!

No clue...

June 21st 2005,

The Dr's don't know what's causing me all these problems and have said that it may take a few days/weeks to find out for sure. My hair's falling out again JUST WHAT I NEED LOL!!!! It must be the price I have to pay to have some cheek bones and a nose lol!

It has been over three months since my grandmother passed away, though it feels like it was only yesterday. I was very close to my grandmother and her death has hit me hard. I miss her more than words can say. I wish she was here with me once again.

Back in...

june 20th 20005,

I'm back in this dreaded place!!! My surgeon isn't any closer to finding out the cause of the problem. He doesn't know for sure where the infection is as it's not very clear on the x-rays.

Today he asked me if I regretted having the surgery, I told him that from the results of the surgery that I don't but recovery wise YES! I knew that the surgery was going to be hard and painfull but not THIS bad! and I seem to be getting every setback/ infection possible.

Home!!!

June 15th 2005,

I was allowed home today!!!!! I'm still on my medications!!! but ut's great to be home! I have had strict orders to rest and take it easy!!

I'm still on liquid food and I am bored of it all now. I have started having baby food some of them are quite nice lol!!!!!!

happy birthday..

June 13th 2005,

Today is my little sister's birthday she's 12 years old! I wish I could be with here on her birthday but I will make it up to her when i'm home!

Happy birthday little sis!!!

five weeks...

june 12th 2005,

Hello!

I am now five weeks post op and things are getting worse instead of better. Each day the pain gets worse. I would give anything right now for the pain to go away. I am fed up of hearing "it will be worth it in the end" everyone I see says that. And yes in the end it will be worth it but right now the end seems a very long way.Though I am still happy with the results of the surgery and i'm glad I went through with it but I can't help but think to myself sometime WHY did I do this? It's what iv'e dreamt of for many years having the perfect nose etc but it's a big price to pay.

The infection is spreading and it hurts to talk, I am constantly in pain. I am dreading seeing my surgeon as i'm afraid of what he has to say. I have been told that it's either the metal plates or the bone graft that's infected! So once we know where the infection is we will know what the next step will be.

My grandmother is still in the hospital and I still don't know what's wrong with her. I'm still trying to come to terms with my nain's death. It has been three months since she passed away and I am finding it hard without her. I wish she was here to help me through this nightmare. My little brother asked me today why she had to go an be an angel in heaven when she was an angel here with us. He said that he misses her and wants her to come home, he also said that for his birthday he wants his nain to come home.

Back in hospital...

June 8th 2005,

I saw my surgeon today as my face has continued to swell and the pain has increased. He took one look at me and adimitted me into hospital and started me on antibiotics again. He says that the infection has spread and that he will give me a high dose of antibiotics, as he seems to think that my body has become immune to some of the antibiotics as I have been on them for so long and I have been on them a lot when I was younger dur to ear infections etc.

He is hopefull that a few days and I will be right as rain! I hope so!!! My hip is a little sore today for some strange reason maybe the infection there is getting worse too!

My grandmother is also in hospital, she is in a different hospital the other side of town. I don't know what's wrong with her and I am worried that my dad is keeping something from me. I wish I could be there with her and know that she's ok.

A month post-op!

June 6th 2005!

I am four weeks post op today it seems only yesterday that I was preparing myself for the surgery. I dreamt for many years of the day I would have the surgery and I still can't believe that iv'e had the surgery and I am four weeks post-op!

I'm still very swollen but most of the brusises have gone. I am happy with the results of the surgery and i'm glad that the surgeons were able to do so much in one surgery, even though it didn't feel like that at the beginning lol! I know a few people that have had a similar surgery but had it done in stages, a few of them had the first surgery and decided that it was too painfull and they didn't go through with the rest of the surgeries. So i'm glad I had it all done at once because now the big part is over.

In another 5 months we will be doing further surgery to my nose, lip, scar revision and my surgeon wants to do a few other things, he hasn't told me what as yet as I need to focus on recovering from this surgery first.

i'm very pleased with the work the maxillofacial surgeon and his team did it has been well worth the endless ammounts of 3 hours journey's!

I am also fed up of the liquid diet it has been 4 weeks now and I have another 2 weeks to go until I can have soft food! But patience is a virtue! After all it will be worth it in the end! One thing I really am missing is DRIVING!!!! I haven't driven for a whole month! And I have another month before I can be allowed to drive! I miss the independance of just getting in the car and going where ever I want! My little sister passed her test three weeks ago and wanted to borrow my car! The answer was plain and simple NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know she wouldn't take care of the car and I have worked hard for the car. SHe has got her own car now but hasn't been able to drive it yet as she hasn't got TAX on the car.

I have pne regret about the surgery and that is, that my grandmother isn't here to see the new me, and help me through this journey.

three weeks post op

May 27th 2005,

Three weeks ago today I was still in theatre having my surgery! I still find it strange looking in the mirror and seeing a totally different person! I can't get over how much difference this surgery has done for me! Everyone has been commenting on my cheek bones, yes for the first time I have cheek bones!

They have also commented on how great I look, even though there is still a lot of swelling!A few people have passed me on the street and haven't recognised me! Even though recovery has proven to be a lot harder than I thaught, it has all been worth it. When i'm feeling down I look in the mirror and then I can't help but smile well try lol!! I have plenty of photo's to share but I have decided to wait until all the swelling or most of it has gone down so I can share some before surgery, stages of recovery and the after surgery pics!

I am still having problems with my hip, it's refusing to heal lol! My Dr is keeping an eye on it but wants the surgeon to take a look. My hair is well what's left of it. I have a lot of bald patches now and even the hair where they shaved off during surgery which was growing nicely is falling out! So it seems that it's all going to fall out, I am in between two minds as to shave it all off that way it will all grow the same time. It's heartbreaking waking up each morning to a pillow full of hair, and when I brush my hair even more hair comes out! But it will grow back at some point. No one knows the reason for my hair loss they all say it could be alopesia or stress realted due to surgery. I don't think we will get to know, unless the dermatologist has some answers.

They are concerned about my iron levels I am on iron medication but it doesn't seem to be helping, so I will need further tests to see what's happening there.The scars under my eyes are healing well and I am applying moistuiser regulary and doing plenty of massaging despite the pain lol!! My eyes are still very watery but it's still early days as my surgeon said. He also said that i'm having a very slow recovery the slowest he has seen HOW NICE OF HIM LOL!!!! I am progressing well (i think so anyway!) I am able to get around the house without any crutches, but when I go out I have to have them with me most of the time I only use one.

!My mum has been great despite everything that's been thrown at us the past 3 weeks she has been a great support to me. Today I went out for the first time, properly I was able to pick some flowers that i'd grown and put them on my grandmother's grave. It's been 3 weeks since iv'e been able to go, it was nice to be able to go again. I miss her terribly.

Thinking of you...

June 1st 2005,

Today is my grandpa's birthday he passed away 8 years ago and has left a big hole in my life. I miss him more than words can say. But I know his time was over, he faught a long hard battle with cancer right to the very end.

If tears were a stairway,
I would walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Thinking of you grandpa yesterday,today,tomorrow forever and always in my heart. Happy birthday!

Still here!

May 29th 2005,

The infection did reaspond to the antibiotics and I was able to come off them, but the following day it came back a lot worse! I am back on the antibiotics I REALLY want to go home!! I miss my house, my bed, and having people speak wlesh to me all the time! It's funny how you miss all the little things that you take for granted everyday.

My family and friends have been great! I am never short of visitors and I always know what's going on back home. I can't wait to be back home again and back out with the girls! I really miss our nights out, though we will be doing a fair bit of retail therapy once i'm home and the cinema too.

I saw a Dr regarding my hair loss this afternoon who said that he thinks it's due to the stress of the surgery, limited blood supply to the scalp for so long, anemia, and my body's way of saying ENOUGH!!! He is hopefull that it will grow back at some stage! NOT SOON ENOUGH FOR ME!!!!!! But he did say I will have to be patient!

I have lost a total of 23 pounds since my surgery, good in some ways but bad in other ways! My Dr's think i'm not eating enough or not getting enough calories! Have they tried the liquid diet??? Obviously not! I am sick of milkshakes, wheetabix, yoghurt and anything else that is liquid and not forgetting the poison LOL!!!! (soup!!!! after having soup for soo long after fistula repair when I was 8 years old I have hated soup ever since!!!).

In hospital

May 26th 2005,

The swelling and discomfort got a lot worse the past few days and I have been re-admitted into hospital. I have been put on IV antiobiotics to see if it will work faster and better. My surgeon is hoping that it will clear up soon before any damage is done, and he's worried about the jaw healing.

I feel really down right now and want to go home! But I know that I need to stay and have the treatment and I can have stronger pain meds here lol!!!!!!!!!

First signs of infection!

May 24th 2005,

Just as my swelling and bruises were disappearing I am showing signs of infection! I am almost three weeks post op and I feel awful. Everything seems to be going wrong!

The site where they took the bone graft from opened this morning because of an infection. I have been stiched back up and hopefully it will heal soon.

My face has become more swollen and painfull not to mention sore, I can't touch my face without it hurting. The Dr says it could be a good sign that the sensation is returning but we will have to wait and see. There is something thinsg showing up on the x-ray which is causing the dr's concern. Everything is pointing to first signs of infection so I am on yet more medication hopefully this will work or who knows what the next step will be. I haven't asked my surgeon that question yet as I don't want to know right now, not until we have tried the antibiotics first.

I am able to drink a little more which is good, though it's hard work! But the more I drink the better I feel so I have to try and keep drinking. As eating is totally out of the question for at least 6 weeks. I think mum should buy a cow LOL as I will be using a lot of milk for the next 6 weeks!